I love my trans non binary body

I love my vulva and little c*ck that I've grown. I never had much of a connection with myself "down there" for a long time when I was younger which I now recognize as dysphoria growing up. Hitting puberty I really tuned out of it and just got through with as little interaction as possible, besides a lot of masturbating, mostly externally over underwear. My clit had always been a good size and then while correcting a hormone imbalance from a pituitary tumor it eventually lead to higher testosterone which made me feel like a teenage boy, hungry, hot and horny! My clit grew and for the first time I started to feel connected to my body. I knew I needed to start hormones sooner than later even though I was concerned about my ability to conceive because I still want to carry a child in this gift I've been given with this body, it's something I have always felt a connection to doing. I started with a low dose for over a year and a half which was so amazing for me, then as more info came out about people's ability to go off hormones and still get pregnant I got excited. I'm still really thankful I started with a low dose, the pace was exactly what I needed. After I felt a lot more comfortable with where I wanted to end up from taking gender affirming hormones as well as more confident in the social process of my transition I upped my dose. I absolutely love my little dicklet that I have now, it is so gender affirming to me. I have never had top dysphoria which is why I never connected to any trans man experience. Once I learned about non binary people more things clicked and learning about bottom dysphoria was a huge eye opener and so much made sense finally. I am able to use a packer way better now and can feel very connected that way but also put it away when it feels uncomfortable. I love my trans non binary body.

I am a genderqueer, gender chaotic, non binary person and I use they/them pronouns only even though I'm on testosterone, some people still equate gender expression with gender identity and it uncomfortably upholds the gender binary. So much love to all my queer siblings out there

– R, 29 years old, Canada (they/them)

I'm learning to love my vulva because it brings me pleasure and puts food on my table

When I started puberty and my body started to change, I immediately noticed that my vulva was looking different than it used to. My labia were getting longer, and that made me self-conscious. As time went on, and I saw more and more people with vulvas naked (either friends of mine, or in porn for example), I felt more and more insecure about mine. I felt like I wasn't normal, I'd call myself an ugly monster, I'd often cry. I dreamed of cutting off my labia. I was afraid of having sex, and so self-conscious when I finally did, that for a few years I wouldn't let anyone go down on me. Then, at 18 years old, I became a sex worker. It has helped so much. I still struggle with my anatomy sometimes, but my relationship with my body is a lot better than it used to be. Having agency over my body, being desired and paid for it, taking care of myself, appreciating the diversity of bodies and the beauty my own anatomy... Those are all things I learned from my job and I couldn't be more grateful. I used to shave every single day and my skin hated me for it. I now have a landing strip and I think it's really cute. It's a life long process, but I'm learning to love my vulva because it brings me pleasure and puts food on my table, and I'm grateful for that. We are beautiful and worthy.

– L, 23 years old, Canada (they/them)

I am determined to trust my own vulva

(CW: mention of sexual trauma)

For as long as I can remember, I have felt betrayed by my own vulva. I struggle with recurrent UTIs, I'm prone to infections, and I have HSV1 and HPV cervical dysplasia. It's hard for me to love my vulva when I am constantly worried there is something wrong with it. 

When I was 18, I was beginning to come to terms with my sexuality and I fell victim to sexual trauma. I was just beginning to understand my own queerness when I was taken advantage of, which made me feel more alienated from my vulva and myself, and it sucked. It still sucks. 

I don’t know how to trust my vulva and vagina, let alone love them. I feel completely at war with myself because I want to love my body, vulva included, but it seems impossible. However, I am determined to trust my own vulva, and know that it serves me well. I am tired of letting the world make me think I am "less than" because I struggle with chronic vaginal health issues. I am just as valid, beautiful, and worthy as anyone else with a vulva."

– M, 21 years old, USA

I've learned to love it whatever form it takes

This transman had bottom dysphoria before anything else. Dresses are comfy, makeup is fun, but beneath them it always feels like something is missing.

Pre-transition, my vulva had a clamshell aesthetic and an itty-bitty clitoral tip, something that I saw praised as ideal & feminine. It was also too sensitive to touch directly. With some research, I learned alternate forms of stimulation, but this sensitivity made me very nervous about requesting mutual pleasure with partners.

Testosterone caused a lot of changes, including major body shape changes, increased body hair (length AND coverage), inscrutable mood changes, and phalloclitoral growth! Amusingly, I didn't notice the latter at first, I just noticed the “after” – my split-pea had surged (seemingly overnight) into a mushroom rivaling the size of a fingertip. This change relieved my dysphoria some and improved my struggle with hypersensitivity tenfold, much to my continuing delight.

As I've transitioned, my vulva has changed a lot. From deeper pigmentation and stretch marks, to changes in fatty tissue, to increases and decreases in phalloclitoral size. I still have next-to-no inner labia and my outer labia has grown thinner and sags some, hiding my once-prominent phalloclitoris from view, but I don't mind. My junk continue to evolve, be it through bottom surgery or other means, and I've learned to love it whatever form it takes.

– B, 28 years old, USA (he/him)

All trans and enby bodies are beautiful and valid, with or without surgeries!

I was unsure about bottom surgery literally up until the moment they put me under. For years, I’d been sold on this idea that trans women were ‘supposed’ to want a vagina, and that my uncertainty somehow made me less trans. But in my mind, my penis was a woman’s penis — because I am a woman, and it was my penis!!!

I’m now closing in on 3 months post-op, and honestly? I couldn’t be happier that I went thru with it ♡ I still feel like I could have been fine either way, but when I stare in the mirror at my naked body, it just feels… right. It feels like me. I love the flat contour of the front of my underwear where it rests against my body, I love the way pants just… fit right. I finally feel safe being at the beach, walking down the street, having sex with new people.

The agency to have bottom surgery is a function of my privilege as I am a white, middle class, employed, thin, pretty, cis-assumed trans woman in Chicago. Because of this, I had the means and safety to go thru w it. Here’s a reminder a) to donate to trans people’s surgery fundraisers and b) that all trans and enby bodies are beautiful and valid, with or without surgeries!

– A, 26 years old USA (they/she)

Once I gave myself the freedom to become who I truly am, I was complete

I have always been a deeply sensual and sexual being, but I didn’t always know I was pansexual. Once I gave myself the freedom to become who I truly am, I was complete. Throughout my entire journey, my body, my vulva, hasn’t changed. Love is love, and it doesn’t matter what the physical body is for me, and that has led to me learning to love myself more than I ever thought possible.

– L, 29 years old, UK (she/her)

My vulva is a fairly new addition to my body

My vulva is a fairly new addition to my body and undergoing a vaginoplasty half way through the academic year was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. My vulva reminds me how resilient I am to have overcome so much pain and fight for the body I should of been born in. I get to wake up in a body I feel comfortable in and my vulva is a big part of that."

– K, 24, Switzerland (she/them)

Being intersex we are biologically non-binary

I am intersex whether I like it or not. For all my 38 years only a select few have been told because I have struggled so much with self-acceptance.

I learned at 11 years old that I likely have partial androgen insensitivity syndrome. I was told it was best "I didn't share my diagnosis with anyone else" because at the time, people wouldn’t understand – and that idea lingered, it was where the life-long fearful secret began.

I was assigned female at birth and I have never known anything different other than identifying with that assignment. But I have been on a 30+ year mission to surgically “fix” myself – a journey started by a surgeon who thought it would be a good idea to perform a gonadectomy and vaginoplasty on me as a toddler, leaving me disfigured.

My vulva and vagina, the poor things, have accumulated around 5 years in recovery from numerous surgeries which I have travelled the world for.

I have endured cowboy surgeons and great surgeons but the questions remain, what was all of this pain and anguish for? The slices, the stitches, the hormones, the many anaesthetics and the debt.... I am at least feeling better with my appearance, I hope that feeling stays.

For the most part, intersex is not a medical problem – but it has been overly medicalised. For anyone out there – who may be like me with PAIS or any other shade of intersex, we may be rarer, but I am here, and you are not alone. Be aware the goal is unclear, and that self-love and acceptance is the only way out of falling into the binary trap. Being intersex we are biologically non-binary and every day I thank my lucky stars for those who identify as trans or non-binary in helping me every single day, without knowing it, to identify with who I am.

– Anonymous, 38 years old, UK (she/her)

I’m proud to be a genderfluid trans guy with a vulva

Before I came out as trans, I struggled deeply to feel comfortable with my vulva. I was very involved in body positivity and never had any sexual partners make rude comments about my vulva, so I had no idea why it made me so uncomfortable. I blamed it on having a longer labia, and I thought that maybe if I had a vulva that looked more like ones in porn, then I would finally feel comfortable. But after admitting to myself that I am trans, and going on T, I’ve realized that I love my vulva now. The reason I felt uncomfortable with it was because I was seeing it as a woman’s vulva, but it’s not. It’s a trans guy’s vulva! Because genitals do not equal gender! And developing a love for my body, when so much of the world tells me to hide it or hate it, feels revolutionary and an act of rebellion. Trans people do not need to hate their bodies in order to be trans; we can love ourselves and accept ourselves, regardless of if we get acceptance from cisgender people. Even when I’m feeling dysphoric, I’m proud to be a genderfluid trans guy with a vulva. Happy pride ♡" – K, 20, USA (he/him and they/them pronouns)

My relationship with my vulva as an intersex trans man

(CW: mention of sexual assault and medical trauma)

My relationship with my vulva as an intersex trans man has been rocky from the start. From sexual assault to medical trauma to gender dysphoria, I hardly ever had time to see my vulva as anything but a painful medical freak show. I’ve dealt with vulvar pain ever since I started menstruation at 8 years old. Elevated testosterone atrophied my muscles and it only got worse after a traumatic medical procedure. Most of the suggestions I got were hormonal estrogen based treatments, which is not an option for me. I’ve found ways to navigate the pain that seems to be less intense with less frequent episodes as I get older. It also helps to have a husband who loves, values, respects, and affirms every piece of my vulva and how integral it is to my identity as a man. Sending all the love I have to all the vulvar pain warriors of the world!"

– A, 27 years old, USA (he/him pronouns)