I want to share my story with you, as I think there are more people with the same experience. During the past years, there has been a very positive development in "green living". Enthusiastic as I am about this development, I bought my first menstrual cup this spring. I was so excited to try it, after reading many stories of enthusiastic menstrual cup-users - but once I tried inserting it, it was só painful. I have struggled with pain (during sex) over the past years, I however never expected this pain to also occur with inserting a menstrual cup. And stubborn as I was, after this first painful experience I've tried it several times again (also with some lube), but it just didn't work for me. As the cup was the smallest size (for teenagers), it couldn't really have had anything to do with the size. Somehow, I wish there would be more information out there directed towards people with vulvodynia (pain in the vulvar area) - and also I would love to hear if there are more people like me who have struggled with this, and maybe even have overcome this pain? Anyway, thanks for reading my story - and hurray for all the amazing vulvas out there!
OUR MANY DIFFERENCES
When I was younger, I was so scared to have sex with somebody because of what my [vulva] looks like. But I realised it is so stupid to be ashamed of what you are, and also what you can't choose. This is my actual state of mind, now that I have a boyfriend who really helps me feel comfortable with myself, and even feel beautiful! As you can see, I'm proud of my vulva, my hairs and pimples or spots. Our society's idea of beauty is erasing what beauty really is: our many differences.
W. - 18 years old
VAGINISMUS
I have severe vaginismus and thus am unable to have penetrative sex, or even insert a tampon for that matter. This became such a source of shame and feelings of unworthiness for me. However, I have found comfort and support through the Vulva Gallery in how you spread awareness about vulva diversity and champion acceptance and nonjudgment. Thank you so much for the work that you are doing!
THE MOST PRECIOUS AND AMAZING GIFT
To all those wonderful women out there baring their scars and stretch marks, whether they are from pregnancy, childbirth, injury or weight loss/gain, you are strong, you are beautiful, you are perfect. Those little lines (or big ones in some cases) tell a story, a special or scary story. Mine was through having my son. The most precious and amazing gift my body could have given me. Having these marks among such an intimate part of myself makes it even more empowering. I love my body, I love my marks, I love my vulva.
VULVAR MELANOSIS
My partner first noticed my vulvar melanosis. They looked like dark, patchy spots on my inner labia. Not raised or bumpy, just a different color than the surrounding skin. He was not grossed out, more worried for me that it could be something wrong. I saw my gynaecologist and she suggested we do a biopsy, to ensure that the spots were benign. They biopsy came back clear of anything that needed to be worried about. They are just my spots, and make my vulva unique. I've grown to appreciate them!
IN LOVE AND THANKFUL
Vulvas are the gateways to the universe. We are all connected through this exquisite passage. All men, women and children on this earth have special, undeniable bonds to vulvas and we must honor them, in all their raw, fragile, tantalising, powerful beauty.
It took me a long time to realize this power. I never really spent time with my vulva until I reached womanhood. As a youth, I saw it as something quite functional. A place of pleasure, a exit for my monthly period, something to fiddle with, or a place to warm my hands when it was cold. But when I started to think more about motherhood, when I started to respect my sex and took more responsibility over who I gave it to, when I grew into the woman form of my child self, I really start to think and feel differently about my vulva. My vulva is my heritage. My vulva is my offer of true intimacy and love with my husband. My vulva is where I will welcome my children to this world. How can I not be totally in love and thankful for my vulva.
R.
A STORY OF SOMEONE WHO DID THE SURGERY
It started when I was about 16 years old. I shaved my pubic hair, because I saw porn as an example. Shortly after, I realized that my vulva didn’t look like the ones I saw in porn. At that age I didn’t care much. I was more worried about the fact that shaving gave my skin a lot of irritation and ingrown hairs. I tried shaving, waxing, sugaring, epilation, IPL, creams… everything resulted in red bumps and scarring.
I started to get sexually active, but didn’t let anyone touch my vulva. I read on Internet that some girls could get orgasms from penetration on the inside of their vagina from a so-called g-spot. Since I could only get an orgasm from clitoral stimulation, it felt like something else was “wrong” with my vagina. The way women are sexualized in media really made me feel like I could never be good enough in bed.
In the years that followed, the hate towards my vulva grew. I still had not seen real vulvas, so Internet was my only source. There were days that I looked for hours to pictures and stories of long labia. I knew that I wasn’t the only one with insecurities about it, but it didn’t make me feel more confident about the way mine looked. At some point, it started taking over my life. With every woman I would see in real life, I would imagine how her vulva would look like. Since I never heard any women talk about vulva insecurities, I thought I was the only one with an ugly vulva. If friends were talking about showering with others or going to the sauna, I would automatically assume they had a nice looking vulva.
The only one that knew about my insecurity was my boyfriend, whom I started dating since I was 18. He never said anything bad about the way it looked. I couldn’t have wished for a better guy. I feel bad for him that he had to deal with all the negative talks about my vulva. I hope for every vulva-owning person they find a partner that doesn’t judge your parts about the way it looks. I blamed porn for a long time that they didn’t show enough diversity, but I think it should already start at sex education in schools. Everyone should learn about the diversity of genitals and have it discussed.
At the age of 19 I started to get a depression. This had multiple reasons, but my negative thoughts would always end with the fact that I had an ugly and useless [vulva]. I could spend days crying in bed about how ugly it was. I was suicidal and the look of my vulva was definitely one of the reasons I wanted to die. I needed to do something about it, so I considered labiaplasty. I knew that all blogs and empowering sites about long labia were against surgery. I respect and understand that they empowered women to be confident and not to let them cut into healthy body parts. But I literally couldn’t live with it anymore. So I did it. I underwent a surgery and had my longer inner labia removed. I was confident in the first months after it. My libido grew and I felt like one of the main problems about my [vulva] was gone. I discovered more and more pleasure during sex and really wished I had done the surgery before. I wouldn’t encourage others to do it, but I really think that everyone should decide for themselves. My psychological condition was unhealthy, so I had no other choice.
However, years after the surgery, the negative thoughts about my vulva are still there. The scarring of my labia never healed very nice, so they look very wrinkly. Since my clitoral hood has always been big and wrinkly too, the focus on my vulva is now on my clitoral hood. It is way too big and it looks like a mini-penis to me. I still don’t feel feminine and skin irritation from hair-removal is still there. I am a bisexual person, but I could never share a bed with other people, since I think I will gross them out with my naked appearance. I would never dare to be nude around other people anyway.
After the surgery I remember I had a check-up with my labiaplasty doctor and he said: “now your vulva anatomy looks normal again”. I was surprised. Even a labiaplasty doctor that sees natural(!) vulvas coming in everyday, is saying what the standard for the appearance should be. That is just wrong. I really wish that the world changes it's mind over how vulva’s look, so no one has to be insecure about it. I hope that with my story I can inspire people. I only read empowering stories that were against labiaplasty. I don’t want to be the “weak” person that underwent a surgery. I want to show everyone that it’s your own choice if it affects your health. But the surgery didn’t make my vulva more beautiful. I think it is still very ugly and I will never get over it. Maybe once it is drawn and uploaded in between all the other vulvas, I can embrace it by seeing all of the diversity. If anyone wants to talk anonymous with me, I would love to. In my darkest times I wished I could have talked to people that shared the same insecurities.
E. - 22 years old
THE POWERFUL CONNECTION BETWEEN MY BODY AND MIND
In the past four years, I have increasingly focused on understanding the powerful connection between my body and mind, because of my intense PMS. I have learned to both accept and embrace it as part of who I am. I describe my PMS to people as being covered in a thick veil - I cannot clearly see or hear what is going on in my surroundings, it's all muffled - making communication, both ways, very challenging. Being very open about my PMS makes it more manageable. I find it necessary to explain why it might come across as though I have two 'personalities'. Although some people do not necessarily accept or understand it and others find it amusing, the majority are compassionate and understanding.
Many attempts have been made to lessen the symptoms by trying various things: herbal medication, acupuncture, meditation, menstruation coach, birth control and anti-depressants. For the last two years, I have decided to learn and understand my natural cycle more. It's a never-ending, fascinating journey! My vulva is wonderful in so many ways, it not only gives me pleasure, but also, signals very clearly when something isn't right, it truly is magical and I feel I have so much more to discover! Self-acceptance and -love, especially of my vulva, has inadvertently led to attracting the most wonderful, open-minded, sensitive and sex-positive people, for which I am immensely grateful!
For the Vulva Gallery, it was important for me to submit a snapshot of my vulva as it was, without 'grooming' it in any way. It was a liberating and exhilarating experience! Thank you for letting me a part of this wonderful and very important project!
Sending you lots of love! You rock!
A. - 35 years old
LIKE BUTTERFLY WINGS
Growing up I always knew my vulva was different. It was an innate feeling I had. I would look at my large labia and think they looked old and wrinkly. It took many years until I learned to appreciate my vulva and see it as beautiful. Now I see my large labia like butterfly wings and I am proud of having a voluptuous pussy. Thank you for memorializing my youthful vulva so I can look back on with pride when I really am old and wrinkly.
C. - 35 years old
ALL UNIQUE AND ALL BEAUTIFUL
Being a student midwife I see many vulvas all incredibly glorious, in all their varieties. Many become so self conscious about their vulva (among other things) when in labour but they fail to see not only are they the passage to bring new life into the world they are a fantastic tool to monitor progression of labour. Different signs and signals we look out for can be viewed by simply looking at the vulva which could lead to less intimate examinations. Each vulva tells a story, all unique and all beautiful, and despite what you may think midwives can't remember specifics so don't panic. Vulvas are the passage to life and I can't put into words how powerful I believe them to be.
G. - 20 years old
IT DOESN'T MAKE ME ANY LESS BEAUTIFUL
I've recently put on some weight, and I have developed stretch marks all over my bikini line. No matter how bad you think your stretch marks are, other people don't see them as bad. I've shied away from being intimate because of it, but I'm slowly starting to accept that it doesn't make me any less beautiful. I just need to keep reminding myself this. I may be stuck with them now, but the red will fade - and I'm worthy of loving myself. I just want people who may have the same issues to know that they aren't alone 😊
I STARTED ACCEPTING MYSELF
- Content warning: this story contains information about sexual assault and/or violence which may be triggering to survivors. -
Embracing my sexuality has been very difficult for me. I got my period when I was 8 years old and lost my virginity at 11, when I was raped by a cousin (for about a year or so). Since then I've been really promiscuous because I thought the only way I had to be lovable was giving sex in exchange. I felt pretty only when I was considered "sexy" so I started sending nudes very often to several guys, this lead to them sharing them with their friends. I started being body shamed and bullied at school because of the color and shape of my labia and got a nickname: "McPussy" (they said my pussy looked like a McDonald's hamburger). I was very ashamed of my [vulva] for a really long time, and even developed a feeling of disgust for one of my favorite foods (McDonald's of course). I found your blog and other similar pages some months ago and I started accepting myself. I thought "If you love a big mac why wouldn't you love a meaty "mc pussy"?" :) Also, I understood that unrequested opinions coming from ignorant people shouldn't be taken into account.
Thank you for being so awesome, for sharing your art an helping so much women.
With love, from Costa Rica.
H. - 18 years old
HIS FLAW, NOT MINE
A few years back I had a boyfriend who kept a bit of a grudge after I broke up with him. One day he sent me an insulting picture, comparing different vulvas to ham sandwiches. The one that was supposed to match mine was the „uglier“ one according to him. Before that incident I hadn’t even considered something might be wrong with my vulva, but this stupid picture got stuck in my mind for many years and I became more and more ashamed of how I looked down there. Now that I’m a little older I realize that debasing another person like that was his flaw, not mine.
F. - 25 years old
NO LONGER ASHAMED
The first time I went to see a gynaecologist, I was sure something was wrong with me. I was already twenty years old but I had never had sex nor masturbated and my "private parts" were so private that I had even hidden them from myself, I barely ever looked at them and touching them somehow never crossed my mind. And I was sure something was wrong with me "down there" because no one ever talked to me about sexual or intimate things, and so I concluded that meant I was in some way "broken". That is why I also avoided seeing a gynaecologist, but at some point my rationality took over and I decided it was time to
confront myself with whatever the horrid news about my genitalia might be. I was afraid of what the doctor might say upon taking a look at my vagina, all kinds of awful scenarios crossed my mind, their common point being - I must have some kind of degeneration. When the doctor said everything was OK, that was a turning point, only then I began
understanding how horrific my thoughts were and since then I embarked on a path of breaking taboos erected around sexuality in our society.
That is why being part of your gallery would be a very important step for me, to show I am no longer ashamed of myself, to show that now, when I think about my vagina, instead of fear, I feel joy.
J. - 33 years old
I LOVE MY HALO MOLE
I've followed your Instagram for a long time now and I love what you're doing. Seeing other artists do something that matters makes me so happy. I'd love to share my story and I'd be honored to be a part of your gallery. I've always had this mole. Since I was born it's been there. When I turned about 20, the skin around it started to lose pigment. These are called "halo moles". It's common in your early 20s for the pigment around a mole to try to attack the mole often making it increase in size. This is your body recognizing a possible threat and eliminating it all by itself 🙌. At first I was self conscious of the mole itself, let alone the pale halo that highlights it. But I've decided that it's interesting and different and I love it. 💕
E. - 22 years old
MY LOVE TO ALL VULVAS OUT THERE
For such a long time I thought that I was completely different from other girls, and that what I had between my legs wasn't 'normal' or how a 'regular vulva' should look. I worried about it a lot, and more so whenever I was in a relationship. Am I too hairy or too bald? Is my labia too big or too small? What will he think of me? I closed my legs shut whenever any man tried to initiate oral sex. I didn't want them down there! But thankfully, my awakening came with my current partner. He taught me how to love my body, the differences in size and shape of every little bit of me - he even taught me to love my vagina! I am currently on holiday in Spain, writing this surrounded by many Spanish ladies. All of them naked and all of them beautiful in their own way. My love to all vulva's out there, of any shape and size and colour!
P. - 20 years old
I AM NOT ALONE
I have a strong love and hate relationship with my vulva. Through the years, I have managed to like it aesthetically and accept the fact that my labia are not as short as I would like to or that my skin reacts quite badly to waxing. Nevertheless, my vulva also represents a great psychological and physical pain. I have been with my boyfriend for six years now, he is the first boy with whom I had intimate relations. His love for my vulva made me love it too. The fact that he was the only person that touched my intimate parts creates an incredibly precious relation to me. My vulva, which used to make us even closer, is now the element that tears us apart. I suffer from vaginismus, which makes penetration almost impossible and, when we manage to get to this step, extremely painful. When I think about it, it makes me hate my vulva. I remember watching hardcore porn back then thinking "that is exactly what I want to do" before knowing that even a finger would be painful.
I sometimes hate my vulva for making me feel immature (in bed and in my everyday life of course), for creating a frustration and a distance between me and my boyfriend, for being terrorized by gynecologists and of course, for compromising the plan to have children with the love of my life. But my vulva also represents a fight that I am determined to win thanks to love, self acceptance, relaxation and trust.
Vaginismus being quite taboo in the country I live in, I feel alone. But reading stories from different women joining the Vulva Gallery reminds me that I am not alone. Thank you for empowering us!
G. - 25 years old
IT MAKES ME MORE UNIQUE
Ever since I could remember, I've been terrified and disgusted over the appearance of my body, the number one issue being that of my vulva. My inner labia have always been uneven, the left being small and the right being about 1.5 - 2 inches long. The inner area has always been a darker color and my clitoris rather large. My labia would show outside of my outer labia, causing it to be uncomfortable to sit down sometimes as it'd get caught in my underwear. The sexual education course that was taught to us in middle school didn't help much either. They only taught us the basics of the vulva and just barely touched the subject of the penis as it was the all female class. The simple drawing presented to us of the vulva looked nothing like mine, in size, shape, or color. I was afraid to be in the class, because I felt so disgusted by my abnormal appearance - I felt like a freak. For the rest of my childhood and early adolescence, I would continue to loathe my own body. I would be too afraid to take baths or showers, as I'd have to confront my looks. I was too afraid to ask anyone for advice or even help on the matter. One day while in the bathroom, I used a hand mirror to see every detail of myself as I was a curious child. But that simple curiosity of my own body sent me into a panic attack, crying on the bathroom floor. I even contemplated cutting off my longer labia. I felt even more hatred for myself after I begun menstruating, as it just made it more difficult to deal with my "abnormal" genitals. At age 13/14 I started having boys interested in me. One boy wanted to have intercourse with me at some point, but I was too afraid as to what he'd think. Would he laugh at me? Would he think I had some STD? Would he make fun of me and tell his friends?? I completely shut myself away from many people, as this was the only thing they were interested in. Shortly after my 14th birthday, I met this guy who was different from the rest. I didn't see us lasting but I gave him a chance. He turned out to be the sweetest, most caring guy I've met, even though I was only 14. (young love, heh) Almost a year later, we started exploring sexual activities. I had never showed him or told him about how I looked, because I didn't want to drive him away. It took me about 5 months before I felt confident enough to show him my vulva, and 2 more years before showing him my entire body. And he loved me none the less, because he understood that vulvas aren't "perfect" and that they don't all look the same. He's helped me to love and embrace myself, as it only makes me more unique. We're still together today. After I found this page, I only felt more comfortable and empowered about my body and my vulva. I only hope that young vulva owners everywhere get the proper education about their own bodies. The lack of up to date sexual education I received is mostly to blame for my insecurities. The fashion of the vulva and uterus is just as important as its function. Thank you so much for allowing me to share my story!
P. - 18 years old
THANKS TO MY BOYFRIEND, I FEEL BEAUTIFUL
I'm proud to be part of your gallery and maybe help other girls. My boyfriend helped me most with loving myself. For four years now he tells me that I'm beautiful - no one told me this before. About my vulva he says: "It's the most beautiful place in the world". And after four years, I'm starting to believe him. He taught me that it's alright not to shave my pubic hair. That was unthinkable for me. From the first hairs I was used to always shaving everything smooth. But he taught me that I could be beautiful even with hair. He says I smell more now (in a positive way). I believe more in myself. And with pride I can say: my vulva is beautiful!
H. - 24 years old
I AM WORTH IT
- Content warning: this story contains information about sexual assault and/or violence which may be triggering to survivors. -
The first time I ever thought about how my vulva looks from a aesthetic point of view, must have been around age 12. My mom had told me about anatomy and body functions since I was a child, so I did know a lot of things my friends didn't know. But one day I came across porn, and I started to think about surgery. I thought I looked weird, considering how all the porn girls/women looked. Then I experienced a rape. It made me think I was dirty. I was confused and scared, and I suddenly forgot how to say no. So I let anyone touch me, in any way they wanted. It didn't matter if it hurt, if it felt good, if I didn't feel it. Now that time has gone by, I've finally found a way to be okay. I've practiced saying no, because realized I am worth it. I don't let anyone touch me before I know that I want to. I look at myself with love, and I know that I look just as natural and okay as anyone else. It took time to get to this point, but I think anyone can do it if I could. I wish everyone would take time to go on a journey of self care. It couldn't be more worth it. And I truly believe that we can overcome terrible things if we understand our worth and importance. One thing that made me feel important and powerful was feminism, and all the things you can do with it. Standing up for yourself, for the people around you, for the society you wish to have.
L. - 18 years old