Ever since puberty, I have had pimples turn up on my bum and bikini line. I was so humiliated by them and terrified at the thought of anyone ever seeing my vulva and bum because of it. Shaving my pubic hair irritated the hair follicles really badly and would cause pimples again. After many years of this, my bikini line was left with dark purple Acne scars, and I still get the occasional pimple on the bikini line. I felt disgusting, gross, and frankly repulsive to any possible sexual partners. I remember wanting to only have sex with lights dim or off so they couldn't see. How could they not stare at the marks on me? How would they not be repulsed if they had oral sex with me? I felt intense insecurity and shame over the marks on my bikini line, especially since I couldn't find any images of people similar to me.
However, as I researched, I learnt many people with vulvas also had acne marks and scar marks on their bikini line and sides of mons pubis like I did. The online world gave me tips to help lessen the colouring of the scarring and tips on how to keep my vulva healthy, and knowing others were like me deeply comforted my fears.
After three separate sexual partners, I realised how irrational my fear of repulsion was. Most people who want to be intimate with you aren't going to stare and judge your body parts, they are there because they want to be intimate with you. I have had supportive and loving partners, who have complimented my vulva knowing how insecure I am which has helped me.
I still have difficulty accepting my scars and vulva sometimes. I still sometimes get shy and embarrassed by my scars. I know I'll always have some level of insecurity over my vulva and bikini line, but with research, respect and love from partners, I have learnt to take some measure of love in my scars. They are an extension of my body, and though some may seem them as flaws (including myself at times), I know these scars are just my bodies path into forming the human I am today, forming my body into a grown up from child.
For anyone finding trouble accepting their marks and scars in such intimate areas, I suggest baby steps. Start with simply learning your body, learning you. You will eventually find love in your individuality, in your quirks, slowly but surely.