LEARNING ABOUT MY VULVA

I have what I think society would deem to be an 'ugly' vulva. My skin is dark, and my labia are long and uneven. Growing up, I was raised to believe that sex was a woman's duty; that men are programmed to 'sow their wild oats' and women should be pure and virginal. This toxic messaging made me feel confused and ashamed of my sexuality, and I felt very ignorant and out of touch with my body. Rather than seeing my vulva as a part of my body, I felt that it existed purely for a man's physical pleasure - and even worse, that my vulva wasn't good enough to please a man. This idea was solidified in my previous relationships, where my partners didn't care and ignored my sexual pleasure. I felt ashamed for desiring sex, broken for not enjoying sex, unable to connect with my body, and I made dangerous and ignorant choices about my sexual health because I felt like it was out of my control.

I have begun the long journey towards undoing these toxic beliefs, and I believe a big part of this is accepting my vulva. Learning about my vulva and accepting its appearance has made me feel more confident and in control of my sexuality. My husband has also been a huge help, and I really enjoy listening to what he likes about my vulva. Your gallery has taught me a lot about my anatomy, and about the wonderful diversity of all our vulvas. Knowing about our vulvas, knowing that they exist for a purpose and that they are all beautiful in their own way is a huge step towards having a healthy attitude towards sexuality and reclaiming power in our own bodies.

B. - 25 years old

CHRONIC YEAST INFECTIONS - SYMPTOM FREE FOR OVER 7 MONTHS

For the past 8 years I've had chronic yeast infections. Which in my case is usually one or more times a month. I've gone a few months here and there symptom free.
It affected my social life, sex life and relationships, body image, self love and mental health. I've also had more physical exams than I can count, often in desperate situations where I wanted relief, by doctors I didn’t feel totally comfortable with. All of them prescribed me fluconozol (an anti-fungal) over and over. This March I had 3 infections, and my new family doctor again prescribed me fluconazol for 7-14 days. It cost hundreds of dollars and it ended up making my body totally resistant to treatment.  I would also like to add I've always used it as the last form of treatment. I've done the candida diet/cleanse (which starves yeast and essentially kills it all off safely) many times and made permanent changes to my diet such as zero sugar, low to no bread or carbs etc. I've tried every natural remedy from probiotic suppositories to apple cider vinegar rinses.

Many times doctors would tell me "this happens to many women", "some people just have this forever" - never giving me hope or information. Through the grapevine I'd hear someone's sister or wife gets chronic yeast infections but as it’s considered taboo, there was never an open conversation about it.

However, I have finally found a treatment plan and prevention! I started going for acupuncture treatment. I have been symptom free for over 7 months. I still watch my diet according to the candida diet recommendations along with taking Chinese traditional herbs my acupuncturist prescribes. And surprisingly: no beer (ever), as she calls it a "yeast infection in a bottle" haha.
I want anyone with this infection to know they are not alone, they are not gross or dirty, and they too can have relief and learn to love their vulva again instead of fear it.

S. - 28 years old

LEARNING TO LOVE MYSELF

Pornography really affected my relationship with my vulva. I thought it was deformed and I couldn’t bare to look at it. I would cry and have panic attacks when I did look at it and it completely destroyed my self esteem. My whole sexuality was formed around this hatred for my vulva, when I started to have sex the only thing on my mind was how my vulva looked, had they seen it? Did it turn them off? When I was about 15 I went to the doctor and I told her I was deformed and I needed her to cut my inner labia out. She told me I was normal and I hated her for it. I cried for weeks and felt so hopeless. I even joined a website (despite being underage) where men would ‘donate’ money to women who couldn’t afford plastic surgery. Vulva positive instagram accounts like this were the first time I had ever seen vulvas like mine, and they have been the main factor in me learning to love myself. This is not vanity. This issue does more than effect women’s self esteem. In my case it effected my self worth, my sexuality, it made me more at risk for abuse. This project is vital, and I can not express my gratitude enough. I don’t know if the dysphoria I feel when I look at my vulva will ever go, but it’s a journey, and this project has made me love it more than I ever have. Thank you.

S. - 27 years old

STAY GOLD!

Behold, my golden bush! She is an altar of burnished flame. Many have kneeled before her and prayed to the Goddess, but not all have shown due reverence for her soft pelt. One worshipper in particular, a man of exceptional character, exalted her flaxen fur and encouraged her to grow it lengthily and luxuriously. He activated my confidence to grow out all of my body hair, and to enjoy its silken, fragrant qualities. It was during this period that I fully embraced my vulva's furry fuzz, and learned to celebrate it as a source of pride. I came to more fully understand that our liberation from restrictive body ideals set by normative culture and the beauty industry is an intertwined, interrelated process of men and women learning to love themselves, and each other, in all their glory (whatever they choose that to be). We activate each other to be the fullest versions of ourselves - so keep on shining the light that only you can shine. Stay gold!

K. 

MY HAIR BELONGS TO ME AND COMPLETES ME

When I was 14 years old I started shaving my vulva. Never questioning what I was doing. Now, I'm 25 and understand what was happening to me. At the age of 14 a boy saw my genital area unshaved and asked me to shave it for him. I was so ashamed, rushed to the bathroom and took off all my hair. For almost 10 years I had to remove my natural hair because I always felt uncomfortable with it. Today I can see that my hair belongs to me and completes me. I'm only trimming my natural heart-shaped vulva hair and I am so proud of how it grows! 💛 Thank you so much Hilde for catching exactly how I see my vulva and allowing me to be a part of the Vulva Gallery!

J. - 25 years old

ONE THAT IS EXACTLY LIKE MINE

Scrolling through The Vulva Gallery the first feeling I had was overwhelming pride to be a woman and a surge of gratitude for a safe place like this to feel beautiful. Then a strange thing happened to me. As I read all these powerful stories of women feeling initial desire to have something different like smaller inner labia (like my own), then rightfully embracing their beautiful, unique anatomy... I started to wish that MY body looked more like this or that or something else. I spent a lot of time looking for a vulva that looked like MINE. “So am I the weird one?” I started asking, as I found none. I bet so many other women found peace in this same process, realizing there isn’t another just like mine or hers or yours. They’re all our very own. So I decided to share my own, that way I could find one in the gallery that is EXACTLY like mine! Thank you :)

S. - 24 years old

I UNDERSTOOD HOW GORGEOUS EVERY BODY IS IN IT'S OWN WAY

I had many problems with myself. I wanted to be perfect. My biggest problem was my vulva. I thought my inner labia were too long. I've gone crazy and felt so ugly with it and wanted to finally undergo labiaplasty. A few weeks later I met my first boyfriend who helped me to accept myself and feel more comfortable. Then I started Burlesque and understood how gorgeous every body is in it’s own way. I decided against a surgery. Even though I'm still not satisfied with my body, I try and learn to love myself more. Don't let you influence by media, who wants to dictate us what perfection is. We are all perfect, just as we are.

E. - 22 years old

I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE

I am a huge fan of your work and the messages that you send through your art. That is why I would like to be part of your gallery.

My vulva is quite discrete, nevertheless I always had a sensitive skin and waxing had always been a problem. After several burns I decided to explore other solutions like shaving - with the same results... Now my hair is natural and my vulva looks like it has sideburns. It's still difficult for me - despite of the comfort that it gives me. The sensitive skin around my vulva is not naked anymore and therefore isn’t attacked by my clothes' frictions. Hopefully my boyfriend finds it funny but I still have confidence problems, especially when we go to the beach.

I wanted to share this story because I saw, thanks to your gallery, that I am not the only one and it's not a problem to have a different vulva or different hair.

Again, I love your work and thank you for showing that every vulva is beautiful whatever their particularities.

J. - 25 years old

MY BODY BELONGS TO ME

As a kid raised by strict parents I was never allowed to fully express myself, especially in body modification. Colouring hair, wearing certain clothing even ear piercing was considered provocative by my family... But now, as I grew up, I've finally made this piercing as a reminder and a statement: "My body belongs to me only and nobody can tell me what I can and can not do with it!" I hope that one day everybody in our planet will be free from any kind of prejudice and hate. And I really appreciate such projects as yours which help people embrace themselves as they are and multiply love in our society.

D. - 20 years old

I HAVE TRICHOTILLOMANIA

I have trichotillomania, a disorder that causes me to compulsively pull my hair out. It is what's classified as a Body-Focused Repetitive Behavior, a category that also includes dermatillomania (skin picking) and chronic nail biting. I don't remember a time in my post-pubescent life when I didn't have patchy, uneven pubic hair due to pulling. This has always been a point of insecurity for me, and I often feel obligated to shave in order to hide my disorder. When talking about the disorder, most use the scalp or eyebrows as examples, but hair pulling can be from any place on your body, including your pubic hair. Up to 4% of the overall population suffers from the disorder, mainly adults, and while I know from talking to them that many other sufferers pull from their pubic regions, very few are open about it, finding the same shame and insecurity. I hope that by showing my vulva as it is, others can see that they're not alone. 

For more information, check out http://www.bfrb.org/learn-about-bfrbs/trichotillomania

T. - 24 years old

AM I NORMAL?

I discovered and explored my vulva already as a kindergarten child. I believe at one point a pedagogue told me that I could become blind from masturbating and since then and throughout my entire childhood my vulva was not only a source of pleasure but also, to a great extent, of shame and self-doubt. I often wanted to ask my mother: "Am I normal? Is this normal?" But those questions, although they would sometimes sit on the tip of my tongue, never made it out of my mouth. In my mind I was the only one doing "this" and it truly alienated me from the world around me. Luckily, I gradually found out that many of my friends masturbated in one way or another which gave me a lot of confidence back. During puberty I found my vulva rather ugly and wished for invisible inner labia. I wish I could have seen this gallery at that age, because it really makes clear in just how many shapes and forms vulvas come and how all of them are beautiful and amazing in their own unique way. Thank you for your great work and message and thank you all for your personal stories. 

L. - 26 years old

A LITTLE SPARKLE DOWN BELOW

Growing up in a Christian household, my vulva was always seen as something taboo and shameful. With this conditioning, I found it hard to see myself as being beautiful down there - it was always a thing of guilt. As I got older, I tried to find ways to make my vulva more appealing to me without attaching any judgement. After years of struggling with my sexuality, I pierced my clitoral hood as a way to enhance sensation during intercourse. Also, I just love having my piercing be a secret that only myself and my husband share, as it is a way for me to reclaim my power as a woman. Plus, it just looks so darn cute to have a little sparkle down below!

J. - 30 years old

I'VE LEARNED TO LOVE MY VULVA A BIT FURTHER

I had a wrong picture in my head for years, about how a "nice" vulva should look, affected by the media and the porn industry. When I was 15 years old I went to a gynaecologist for the first time. I was really afraid of what she would say about my vulva. Perhaps something would be wrong with it? Because I was sure that I would be the single case where the inner labia have grown bigger than the outer labia. It took me years until I understood that I look completely normal. Your gallery shows me how wonderful all the different vulvas are. I've learned to love my vulva a bit further :)

Thank you very much!

C. - 30 years old

INSECURITY

 I have a severe insecurity about my vulva and I've been thinking to get surgery in order to make the inner lips smaller since 2014. My first boyfriend told me it was "weird", and because of that commentary I began to search about it and found out that I was different than most girls and every time I meet with a guy I feel very ashamed and worried, I think that someone would think it's ugly. I really try to love myself but its to hard for me. I visit your page regularly and it helps me. I hope I can get over it. Thanks for what you do - it's so appreciable.

A. - 24 years old

THE BEAUTY AND POWER OF MY OWN

- Content warning: this story contains information about sexual assault and/or violence which may be triggering to survivors. -
 

I was ashamed of my vulva from as early as I can remember. I started growing hair earlier than my peers, I got my period before anyone else, my labia seemed to be much larger than all of the pictures I saw on the internet. I found my vulva to be absolutely humiliating. As I got older it became more difficult. A boy in high school referred to my labia as "beef curtains" and the whole school made fun of me. I was a victim of sexual violence and my vulva felt like a magnet for pain and humiliation. It wasn't until I was in my twenties that I saw an art exhibit featuring thousands of pictures of vulvae that I realized the beauty and power of my own. 
I am so glad that people like you are facilitating education and empowerment. I want to be a part of this gallery because I want to demonstrate both confidence and vulnerability. I want to show that the shame we are instilled with by our culture can be conquered and changed.

DIVERSITY

I’ve never had given thought on the looks of my vulva until I started my sex life. How it looked, it’s color or size and shape were something I never thought about, just like my arms. I was sure everyone has a different one but I was certain everyone knew this, and it didn’t matter. But I soon would find out that it did to men. 
After my first time having sex my -the!- boyfriend said “I had a porn star vagina” and I didn’t know what hat meant. So for he first time I looked up porn. Besides being absolutely horrified at the titles and images, I found out there’s only one type of vulva that makes into porn: a teenagers. Hairless, pink and tiny. And that realization added up to the conditioning to please men I had growing up as a girl and made me obsess over it. I got exponentially worried as I got through puberty because it was changing, getting further and further from what was “ideal”. I believe that ideal was the rule and that I was weird looking.
Today I know this not to be true, after sexual encounters with women I started to see that porn isn’t reality, and abandoned my addiction, and started to love myself. This gallery is one of the most beautiful and most honest portrayals of vulvas I’ve ever seen, and the accompanying stories make it even better. 
I wish I had this when younger, I wish I could’ve avoided years of self hate and self loathing that came with the not knowing what was actually normal: diversity. 

Thank you so much for existing Vulva Gallery, I hope it helps generations to come to be comfortable with their own bodies ❤️

J. - 24 years old

A BLESSING

My whole life I have noticed that one of my inner labia was darker than the other and slightly larger. I spent most of my life ignoring what I had down there until I was old enough to realize touching myself felt good - and even then I didn't really know how to properly explore the foreign land between my legs. I realized around the age of 15 that my labia minora were not built the same. That was around the time I had sex for the first time and I quickly became embarrassed of the uneven colour once my boyfriend noticed it as well. I was terrified. First thinking that something was wrong with me, and then (after research and sarcastic assurance from my doctor) I simply concluded that I just had an ugly pussy and would have to live with it. Looking in the mirror I was saddened to see that after years of my body changing, the darker labia still stuck out (more or less) like a sore thumb. Growing into my twenties, I started began learning that while I loved sex and masturbating, I could not have an orgasm. I knew what an orgasm was meant to feel like and therefore knew FOR SURE that I wasn't having them. 10 long years went by of faking it (sometimes even with myself). It wasn't until one night, alone in my room I began exploring my vulva in a way I never had before. I began paying attention to the outcast labia that I had spent so many years hating. The black sheep of my vagina, if you will. I finally gave her the love she craved all my sexual life. And through patient care I finally, at 25 years of age, had my first ORGASM. It began the beautiful relationship I share with that labia still. She has grown from being my most hated quality to my most reliable partner in sexual crime - being responsible for my ability to have multiple orgasms, and mind blowing sex. My larger, darker, slightly wrinklier left labia minora - how I love thee and thank thee for all your faithful service. I regret that I wasted so many years googling how to cosmetically "fix" you and make you look like your less impressive twin sister. Now I know that my pussy, ugly or not, is a blessing even in all of it's imperfections.

E. - 25 years old

THIS IS THE NEW ERA

All my adult life, I have been super self-conscious about the appearance of my vulva when all it is really, is completely normal! Humans always worry about "being different", right? When I was about ten or eleven years old at summer camp and my "front bum" was just a neat little line, I remember catching a glimpse of an older girl with what I now know were visible clitoral hood and labia, and worried then that there was something I must be missing down there. When I grew, and became sexually active, I started to worry the other way... you hear things said just generally that are mean and derogatory (basically by little boys who've clearly experienced nothing except too much plastic porn) and you think "that's me, they're also describing me!!" and you convince yourself that there is something incredibly unattractive about you. I thought that I was so hideous down there that I could only enjoy oral sex in certain positions, as I felt some made my bits "stick out more" and "look even worse". This gallery is ace and has helped me fully believe something I've known all along really - that my vulva is beautiful just the way she is. So thank you so much, especially since I enjoy sex even more now! To go full circle on the shower flashback: I saw a woman at the gym the other day who was really putting her pretty prominent lady-bits proudly on show while moisturising her thighs. She was beautiful, her vulva was beautiful, and I thought: YES!!! This is the new era!!!

B. - 32 years old

POST-OP VULVA

I am a post-op transgender woman. This is my vulva, crafted from formerly male genitals. My labia majora are made of what used to be my scrotum. My clitoris is made from the glans/tip of the penis, and retains all sensation. My vagina itself was made by the surgeon cutting a channel through my pelvic floor muscles, then lining that incision with the skin of my penis shaft. Of course my urethra had to be repositioned, as well.
I try very hard to educate people about transgender women when I am able. I educate formally on transgender awareness. Each semester I speak at a local community (2 year) college, speak more or less annually at a nearby university, and have driven as far as 1,400 kilometers round trip to speak at universities on the western coast of the United States. Generally, especially in the university setting, people greet my story with support. However, I would be lying if I were to tell you that everybody does so. I feel as though I need to work to create the world I wish to live in. And as my daughter has recently come out as lesbian, I'm working to make the world a better place for her, as well. Despite what the world is being shown by the "leader" currently in power here, there are many of us desperately trying to make this world a better place, not worse. I would be honored if you were to paint my vulva and show it in the Vulva Gallery!

PREGNANT

I am now 4 months pregnant. In order to conceive my husband and I tried for 5 years and had to have IVF. During this time I often felt like my body (and vulva) had failed me. As I am now blessed enough to be pregnant, I am starting to feel ok with my womanhood and also to enjoy it's sexuality again!